hasaknightjob | Midnight Manor Private Residence, Wednesday Evening

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Midnight Manor Private Residence, Wednesday Evening

The appearance of freshly made latkes had caused a bit of confusion. They'd checked in with Midnight to make sure it hadn't developed a new ability - handy though that ability would have been - and determined it to be one of those Fandom things.

On the plus side they were surprisingly fresh and tasty for all that they randomly appeared. So a changing of plans for some toppings and side dishes meant this could be supper while Steven and Llewellyn tried to watch a film.

"I know it's early but perhaps a holiday film?" Steven suggested, pointing to the summary of it on the screen.

[for the beau]

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"Mmm, selfishly, I like that I am the one you are trying new things for. With," Watts told him.

"I want to because of you," Steven said, excitedly. "Never really - I mean had sort of thoughts? General ideas? But specifics... well, still working on a lot of the specifics to be honest. The more, erm, complicated? Things? But when I'm with you, you make my heart feel so full. Me feel so warm inside. It makes me want to try? Even if I'm not sure what I'm meant to be trying?"

"Things that feel good, is what it boils down to," Watts said. "And you know- I may have had- more sexual encounters than you. But that doesn't mean- I've hardly done everything there is to do between two men, I'm certain."

"I can't trust my memories before you," Steven said. Which Llewellyn knew, even in this context, but Steven felt it bore repeating. "That if anything I think I've done I've actually done. I know I like being with you. I like touching you, being intimate with you. Showing you how much I love you with more than words. I may not be particularly fancy about it, but whatever I do is with my entire heart. For you."

"I don't need fancy," Watts said firmly. "I need you."

Steven felt a warmth bloom in his chest at Llewellyn saying that. But even so he still needed to check. "Even if I don't know all the things to do? Or the words to say?"

"Even so," Watts said. "As I said, I don't know them all either."

"I don't - " Steven tried to figure out how to put it. "I've seen the words? I can read. Internet's very handy. But it doesn't feel me to say them all? I don't want to say them just to say them. But I don't want you feeling I'm not saying them because I'm ashamed of what we do. Or of you."

"I see," Watts nodded, absorbing that. "And I suppose- I am a plain-spoken sort of man. I acknowledge that. But I would never use the word 'fuck' to describe our sexual relations. For example. It simply does not align with how I feel."

"Yes!" Steven said, brightening as he saw Llewellyn understood it. "Neither do I. It's similar with other words. Or I'm more comfortable speaking euphemistically. Not because I'm ashamed but it's the language I prefer? I love you. There's nothing crass about it. Not - not that harder words are crass but - "

Steven's shoulders slumped as he lost some of his momentum. "I'm putting it poorly now."

"No, no, I understand what you mean," Watts assured him. "It's only when you- when you don't use words at all. That it can be unclear. That's what had me concerned, the other day, that you might be- embarrassed. Ashamed. But you set me right, there."

"No, no, I'd never do something I was embarrassed by or ashamed of," Steven said. "And you never make me feel that way. It's more... certain words are too physical? For me it's about my heart. How I feel about you. You're handsome and desirable and I love being near you with nothing in between us. But if I were to say - I don't know. I want to bugger you up against the kitchen counter I, well, that's not how I feel? It's not about doing some action to - to get myself off. It's about wanting to show you how much I love and desire you."

"I see," Watts nodded. "And it does not bother you that sometimes I do want to do things like that? Buggery against the counter and the like, I mean." Of course, that had only been the one time, but Watts had enjoyed it and wasn't ruling out doing it again in the future.

"No, no, the doing is fine," Steven said. "It's the choice of words to describe it that trips me up. I don't even mind if you use those words to describe it. It's more about what feels natural? It doesn't feel honest, to me, to use words I'd not pick normally? Like I'm lying."

"All right," Watts relaxed. Yes, Steven had just said that he'd never do anything he was embarrassed or ashamed of, but Steven also did not have a monopoly on worrying. "And to be honest that's an example of a term that, while I have no qualms using it, there are terms that are better suited when it comes to you and I. More about the... particular kind of closeness involved in that act."

"Precisely," Steven said. "I want everything we do together to feel right and natural. That includes what words we use to describe it."

"It's beautiful. And natural," Watts said, leaning over to kiss Steven on the cheek. "What we do."

"Loving," Steven agreed. He reached for Llewellyn's hand to bring it up for a kiss. "Nothing more wonderful than showing your love for someone."

"That's certainly true," Watts agreed. "All sorts of ways of doing that, as well. Not just sex, pleasant as that is."

Steven smiled at him, kissing his hand again. "Like making me bagels?"

"Or you making Sunday dinner," Watts added. "Regardless of whether it's actually Sunday."

"I like making you a nice hot meal," Steven said. He was just holding on to Llewellyn's hand now because he liked doing so. "Giving you a good and proper dinner after you've spent ages practicing your piano."

Watts had no objections to his hand being held; in fact he found it rather nice.

"It's very thoughtful of you," Watts said. "Especially since I sometimes- get a little too caught up to remember things like dinner."

Steven kissed him on the cheek. "Good thing you've me to take care of you. Make sure you're fed and don't overdo it."

"Good thing indeed," Watts agreed, looking at Steven besottedly.

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