Apt #14, MHA, Tuesday Morning

[hasaknightjob]

The children had been sent back to their real parents, safe and sound. After which Steven and Llewellyn went back home to clean up the detritus that had accumulated over a three day weekend with little ones. Amazing how much of it there could be considering there were no toys or other child specific things. But snacks, reading books, drawing pictures, playing tag, building a blanket fort - it all added up.

There'd been no real plans for the day. Normally Steven and Llewellyn did their own things on Mondays, but the children had taken priority. Likewise normally Tuesday was Marc's day, with him getting up early to go to the gym. But once the children were gone Steven felt an ache at their lack that, while no where near the pain Marc would have felt at being around their presence, was still enough that Steven asked Llewellyn to stay the night and be there in the morning.

Which was why come Tuesday morning Steven was in bed with his beau, awake far earlier than he usually was but that was also because he'd slept very little to begin with thanks to all the thoughts and feelings running through him.

Llewellyn hadn't gotten much sleep either. Whether from his own emotions about having children over the weekend or from Steven not getting much rest Steven wasn't sure. Regardless they'd both been quiet, most likely both with the urge to let the other rest even if they couldn't.

Thus there was Steven Tuesday morning, staring up at the ceiling again, and debating if he should risk getting up and putting the kettle on for tea or if he should keep still on the odd chance Llewellyn wasn't awake right now.

[for the beau]

Comments

[hasaknightjob]

Steven had no objection to moving closer. "I'm sorry. I know it's not a future you want."

[pocketpretzels]

"Whyever would you be sorry?" Watts asked, puzzled. "Children are- I never pictured myself having any, it's true, and I don't think- my life does not lack joy or fulfillment because of this." It had certainly lacked joy for a while there, but that had nothing to do with having children.

"But," he continued, "there is some version of me out there that, in the future, clearly finds it worthwhile. And I- I don't find myself displeased with the notion."

He was silent for a moment, and then: "Is it still something you want?" he asked gently.

[hasaknightjob]

"I never stopped," Steven said, his own voice quiet as though he didn't want to admit this even to himself. "But I can't, and that's the bugger of it. It's only worked out that you never wanted them so you've not lost something by being with me."

Steven grimaced. "I've only lost something being myself."

[pocketpretzels]

"Oh, my darling," Watts said sympathetically. "I wish I could heal that hurt for you."

[hasaknightjob]

"You help." Steven looked up at him. "You do. Honest. Not in spite of, yeah? I'm not a consolation prize. I'm something wonderful as I am. That helps, I promise it does."

Didn't erase this particular hurt, but did help ease it.

[pocketpretzels]

"Wonderful, sweet, amazing... I could go on," Watts said. "I love you, and wish to build a life of that aforementioned joy and fulfillment with you. It only makes my heart ache that something would still be missing for you in that life."

[hasaknightjob]

"But that's nothing to do with you, you do understand that, right?" Steven asked, to be sure. "You're not an in spite of either. You're wonderful. I didn't even know I could have this - "

Steven gestured to indicate their entire situation, including how they were sat in bed with Llewellyn's cat elsewhere in the flat.

" - before you came along." Steven sighed. "It's only I'm still getting used to things. I know it's nearly a year now but sometimes things happen and - and it hurts. The reminder."

[pocketpretzels]

"I am familiar with that," Watts said. "The hurt."

After all, Steven had been very patient for the last month and a half as Watts worked to regain his equilibrium following a painful reminder of his own.

"You had a little glimpse of what it might be like, and then it- they- were gone again," Watts said quietly.

Perhaps Raphael was capable of reading narrative, because at that moment he slipped through the open door and leapt up on to the bed, padding over towards Steven and Watts.

[hasaknightjob]

Perhaps Raphael was good at reading people? Seeing him did coax a small smile out of Steven. Steven reached out a hand to coax the cat to come closer. "Hello there. Have a nice breakfast, did you?"

To Llewellyn, Steven nodded. "Yeah. I mean - I know it's only a weekend. All the fun bits. None of the worrying about them catching colds, or dealing with them throwing wobblers, or all the parts that make it so hard. But it's the good bits that balance it out, isn't it? Reminds you the hard bits are worth getting through to the other side? I'm glad we met them, I am. I don't regret the weekend. I'm even happy for that version of me."

Steven deflated, his shoulders slumping. "It still hurts."

[pocketpretzels]

Raphael plopped himself down within Steven's reach. You know. Just in case there needed to be pets happening.

"I know, darling," Watts said, rubbing small circles across Steven's back. "I know." And he hated that it was a hurt he could not do anything to fix.

[hasaknightjob]

Therapeutic pets did need to be happening. Steven gave Raphael gentle skritches around his ears.

"Year ago I didn't know who I was," Steven said. Then he grimaced. "Or about a year. The timeline is all muddled around then. Obvious reasons. Didn't really settle down again until we moved here. But April. Early May. I know that much."

[pocketpretzels]

"A year can seem so long and so short at the same time, can't it?" Watts mused.

[hasaknightjob]

"Some days feels like you and me only started dating a couple months ago," Steven said with a grin. He bumped their shoulders together. "Even though I know it's coming on a year for us before we know it as well."

[pocketpretzels]

"Seventy-three days," Watts said, without hesitation.

[hasaknightjob]

Steven frowned. "We've been dating longer than seventy-three days, haven't we?"

[pocketpretzels]

"Much longer, darling," Watts said, pressing a kiss to Steven's cheek. "I'm sorry, I should have been more clear. In seventy-three days it will have been a year, for you and I."

[hasaknightjob]

"Oh," Steven said, feeling silly when he realized. "That makes much more sense. And see? Here before you know it. Barely past two months, right?"

[pocketpretzels]

"Mmmhmm," Watts hummed in agreement. "I'm still on the lookout for something special for us to do. And of course if you've any thoughts on that matter I want to hear them."

[hasaknightjob]

"Short trip might be nice," Steven said. Though that might also be fueled by how a change of scenery might be good after the weekend as well.

[pocketpretzels]

"You know me," Watts said with a little smile. "If I can find a way to make a trip out of it, I will."

Which reminded him... "On that note, actually-"

[hasaknightjob]

"I do know you," Steven said with a hint of a grin starting to peek out again. "It's why I love you."

Steven put the plate of muffins in easier reach. "Actually what?"

[pocketpretzels]

"I did speak to Marc. About- about that thought I had, regarding putting some of my money in investments," Watts said, taking one of the muffins and breaking off a piece before popping it in his mouth.

[hasaknightjob]

"Oh?" Steven asked. "He's not caught me up on the details there, I'm afraid. Only that he was handling it."

Which arguably for Marc was details since as far as Marc was concerned that was the relevant information that needed to be passed on.

[pocketpretzels]

"Which he is," Watts said. "And one of the initial steps would be for me to- to meet with his financial people. A task which would necessitate a trip to London."

[hasaknightjob]

"Suppose that makes sense," Steven said as he mulled it over. "Mind you I've not met his financial people. Only ones we've in common are Crawley and Layla. And Khonshu I suppose. Then I don't need to meet them, do I?"

After all it wasn't Steven's money. Not really.

"Big step for you though, isn't it?" Steven said, watching Llewellyn to see if there were any hints how he felt about it. "Having an official claim to something on my world?"