Apt #14, MHA, Tuesday Morning

[hasaknightjob]

The children had been sent back to their real parents, safe and sound. After which Steven and Llewellyn went back home to clean up the detritus that had accumulated over a three day weekend with little ones. Amazing how much of it there could be considering there were no toys or other child specific things. But snacks, reading books, drawing pictures, playing tag, building a blanket fort - it all added up.

There'd been no real plans for the day. Normally Steven and Llewellyn did their own things on Mondays, but the children had taken priority. Likewise normally Tuesday was Marc's day, with him getting up early to go to the gym. But once the children were gone Steven felt an ache at their lack that, while no where near the pain Marc would have felt at being around their presence, was still enough that Steven asked Llewellyn to stay the night and be there in the morning.

Which was why come Tuesday morning Steven was in bed with his beau, awake far earlier than he usually was but that was also because he'd slept very little to begin with thanks to all the thoughts and feelings running through him.

Llewellyn hadn't gotten much sleep either. Whether from his own emotions about having children over the weekend or from Steven not getting much rest Steven wasn't sure. Regardless they'd both been quiet, most likely both with the urge to let the other rest even if they couldn't.

Thus there was Steven Tuesday morning, staring up at the ceiling again, and debating if he should risk getting up and putting the kettle on for tea or if he should keep still on the odd chance Llewellyn wasn't awake right now.

[for the beau]

Comments

[pocketpretzels]

“Shan’t happen again so long as I can help it,” Watts promised.

[hasaknightjob]

"Not if I can help it either," Steven said with a wry grimace. Not that either of them tended to actually have any say in such things. "But - I'm glad it didn't bother you much. The children being here."

[pocketpretzels]

“Whyever would it have?” Watts asked. And then: “Did it bother you?”

[hasaknightjob]

"Because you don't want children?" Steven said.

Yes, he was continuing to avoid talking about himself on this subject.

[pocketpretzels]

"I never envisioned myself raising children," Watts said. "And- I built a life around that expectation, that is true. But that does not mean their presence bothers me. I find children that young rather refreshing, actually. Their needs are uncomplicated and their thoughts are unfiltered."

[hasaknightjob]

"You were brilliant with them," Steven said. "Like a duck to water far as taking care of them and all."

[pocketpretzels]

"You were rather a natural at it yourself, I'd say," Watts replied.

[hasaknightjob]

Steven's smile turned bittersweet. "I like children. They're curious and learning about everything. I don't mean facts and figures. I mean, yeah, facts and figures. But about themselves. The world. People. That's amazing, isn't it?"

[pocketpretzels]

Watts nodded. "Their enthusiasm and energy seemed never-ending," he recalled with a slight smile. "Well," he said, also recalling how they'd needed to be carried home after the walk in the Preserve on Saturday. "Nearly never-ending."

[hasaknightjob]

"They do crash, don't they?" Steven said, with a brief fond smile of his own. "I'm glad they were so generally happy. Means things must be going well at home. They feel loved. Safe."

[pocketpretzels]

"They've got four adults looking out for them, three of whom have powers bestowed upon them by a god," Watts pointed out. "That certainly seems safe to me."

Well, except for maybe the part where it also could make them targets, but shhhh.

[hasaknightjob]

"That, yeah," Steven agreed. It was his turn to reach over and brush a lock of hair behind Llewellyn's ear. "But knowing that they have a home. That's part of feeling safe as well. Not being afraid of being alone in the dark, yeah?"

[pocketpretzels]

Well, that also tied in to having adults around who were invested in their well-being, didn't it?

He nodded, even as he grimaced a little at the reminder that his own childhood had been anything but safe. The only proof he had that he had once been loved was in a memory of a song.

[hasaknightjob]

"Sorry," Steven said as he saw Llewellyn's reaction. "I only meant - it must be good for them. That their version of you knows what it's like to be where they were. Not literally, maybe. But to wonder about family. Home. Worry that you might lose it again."

[pocketpretzels]

"Probably a bigger concern for Francis than Evelyn," Watts acknowledged. "But perhaps his memories of the orphanage will fade with time and experience."

[hasaknightjob]

"Hopefully," Steven said. "But - "

He looked at Llewellyn, uncertain if he should say what he was thinking. Then he figured Llewellyn knew him well enough to know if he was holding back. "It's not only having a deal with a god that keeps someone safe. That version of you. Just being a version of you. That matters too, to a child. I think. Understanding. Love. It's important."

[pocketpretzels]

Watts nodded. “I didn’t mean to discount what I- or some version of me- contributed,” he said. “I only wished to point out that’s an advantage that is unique to them.”

[hasaknightjob]

"Having you is still an advantage," Steven said. He gave a little smile. "At least I think so. You are to me."

[pocketpretzels]

“I like that you think so,” Watts said fondly.

[hasaknightjob]

"I do." Steven put his tea on his nightstand, then leaned over to rest his head on Llewellyn's shoulder, slipping one arm through Llewellyn's as he did. He closed his eyes and tried to take comfort from just being near him.

[pocketpretzels]

Watts tugged Steven closer, even if ‘closer’ was mere inches, and placed a soft kiss atop his head. “I’m here, darling. Not going anywhere.”

[hasaknightjob]

Steven had no objection to moving closer. "I'm sorry. I know it's not a future you want."

[pocketpretzels]

"Whyever would you be sorry?" Watts asked, puzzled. "Children are- I never pictured myself having any, it's true, and I don't think- my life does not lack joy or fulfillment because of this." It had certainly lacked joy for a while there, but that had nothing to do with having children.

"But," he continued, "there is some version of me out there that, in the future, clearly finds it worthwhile. And I- I don't find myself displeased with the notion."

He was silent for a moment, and then: "Is it still something you want?" he asked gently.

[hasaknightjob]

"I never stopped," Steven said, his own voice quiet as though he didn't want to admit this even to himself. "But I can't, and that's the bugger of it. It's only worked out that you never wanted them so you've not lost something by being with me."

Steven grimaced. "I've only lost something being myself."

[pocketpretzels]

"Oh, my darling," Watts said sympathetically. "I wish I could heal that hurt for you."